Having been working for a Warehousing Company for over thirty years the thought of having to move on isn’t all that an inviting prospect.
There was, however, recently, a bloke I worked with who seemed to relish the prospect of moving Company to Company and increasing not only his skills base (buzz words) but his salary. I have to admit I’ve done a variety of jobs over the thirty odd years with the Company and this has been central to my not needing to move on. I’ve handled Stock Control, Publicity Material, Buying of Motor Vehicle parts, then Buying of Print & Stationery, Database Maintenance, Key Performance Indicators…I could go on, (and Frequently do). But to do what he does, from Company to Company every couple of years isn’t my thing.
However, the need to move on has become pressing of late and so job applications have been flying off my work PC at a hell of a rate.. one, two, three or more every six months, my productivity knows no bounds.
During this period all sorts of ideas came to the fore from my employer. One was a Networking Course. This was something I was sceptical about. The idea of using friends and family to tout for job opportunities didn’t appeal, it seemed like an abuse of friendship. Besides, constant mutterings of ‘Give us a job, I can do that,’ would, after a while, strain the friendship, and constant enquiries about whether they had heard of any jobs, or were there jobs coming up would really niggle!
Of course, when I went on the actual Course with Miss Penguin, who is also seeking a job elsewhere, we found the Networking idea wasn’t as bad as we thought; although getting to the course was!
It was in London and started at 9.30am. Miss Penguin who quickly grasped the nettle of organising passage, suggested we get a train at about 7.05am, which would mean getting up around 6am.
“There is no such time!” I exclaimed; I’m not much of an early riser, you see.
Miss Penguin was unmoved. She just gave me a frown. Miss Penguin is good with frowns, they can convey a lot. There’s the stop being stupid frown. You’re going to get a clout frown. Stop talking like a prat frown. The latter being the frown she was currently giving. Besides, she knew she was right and therefore would truck no objections from me…
“It’s the only way to get there on time,” Miss Penguin insisted.
Of course, I gave in, even tried to pretend I was only joking. I’m unsure whether Miss Penguin was so easily fooled, she never has been in the past despite my best efforts. I think Miss Penguin asked me a couple of times over the next few weeks whether I could make it in time for that particular train; I suppose the prospect of being stuck on a dark, cold station so early on a Monday morning didn’t appeal. So much so that even my company was acceptable.
Well, it’s so easy to agree to anything when it’s so far away, and it was a couple of weeks away, so I told Miss Penguin it definitely wouldn’t be a problem.
Despite my doubts, I set my alarm to 6am – surprised such a numeric existed on my alarm clock and got to sleep just after 11.30pm.
I got up the next morning at about 6.10am, it would have been earlier but I wasted my time arguing with the alarm clock about whether it might be mistaken about this being the correct time to get up. I lost.
Once at the station (and on time) I met Miss Penguin and we had time to get coffee. Which was nice as it was cold and it kept the old digits warm while we waited on the station platform, that dark and chilly morn.
The train arrives, leaves and we get to the course about fifteen minutes late.
Ah, the joys of public transport, now owned by the private sector who are more efficient at making it inefficient!
One thing distracted me straight away was the course tutor. He looked and sounded rather like Norris from Coronation Street. It took me a little less than twenty minutes to get that out of my head. Be fair, it’s one hell of a distraction but he knew his subject.
Networking is about chatting to people a lot (I can do that) and through them, particularly at work they get to know you and your circumstances and are often able to give you job leads without going on and on at them…Hm, ok. Loved the chatting bit. The art, so I was told, was not to go all out with asking for a job or job lead, cultivate them and really become friends first with as many people as possible, particularly in other firms. Not being the most social of people – it’s my shy nature, you see – I didn’t feel too at home with that last bit. But I could see where it was all going.
It’s not long after this, through a contact Miss Penguin and I made (Mrs Rusharound) that I managed to get myself seconded to a Project. We talked to Mrs Rusharound for quite a few weeks until the project came into being on and she suggested I go on it with her. Miss Penguin, by this time, was unavailable as she was on her own project for another part of the Company.
I wasn’t sure I really wanted to do it but I felt the experience would do me good; something new. I think it basically came down to the fact I didn’t have any good reasons not to do it. Besides, it was just a step into the unknown which was really putting me off!
I decide to give it a go and got the blessing of my boss.
Oddly enough, despite the several telephone calls, the e-mails and many promises to meet up for coffee, I didn’t get to meet Mrs Rusharound until the day we began the journey out of Swindon to the Workshop. On one of the conference calls, which was my only involvement in the project until then, I did meet Mr Motorcross, but not Mrs Rusharound. It was suggested I speak to Mr Motorcross as he and Mrs Rusharound would be driving up together, so there was room for one more.
Over the next eight weeks get to know those two better and it was Mrs Rusharound who pointed out the possible vacancies in a department who were linked to our current project and for me to look out for them.
So look out I did. But they were well hidden on the Company job site and basically the result of a job review. This meant they were initially going to be dealing with the people either in post or who worked for that part of the business. In other words outsiders – which meant me – need not apply.
But apply I did (devil that I am) and it was pointed out again during the application process it was unlikely I’d be selected unless I was one of them. I don’t think I’ve ever been ‘one of them’. I’ve been one of us…
But I applied using the lottery principle. If I didn’t apply then the answer would be no. If I did, it might be the remotest chance, million to one, say, that I’d get an interview…hey ho!
Now here’s the thing. On 30th June I got a text asking me to check my e-mails because I was to be invited to an interview. Although I’d applied for the 9 jobs available at the Company, I wasn’t expecting a response as several other applications elsewhere have gone the same way.
What pleased me all the more once I’d booked my interview was there was no mention of the assessment prior to the interview, the bit of the recruiting process I really hated. So, for some reason I’d got out of that part.
Yahoo!
So a couple of pints in the evening with Neatentidy ensued and I told him about the interview and I’d got away without having to do the test!
The next morning at work I’ve another e-mail from the Company. Could I log on to a site a prepared for the assessment part of the recruitment process!
Chin hits deck!!!
I remembered yesterday’s smugness and felt rather silly. Of course I wouldn’t get away without the assessment/test. I’ve never got away with anything. I had until the 7th July to complete it; two days before my interview.
Fortunately, I was able to work it so I got to do a couple of practise tests along the lines of the one I’d have to do for real. Seeing what I had to do didn’t make me feel any better, in fact it made me feel quite depressed – a “I didn’t want the job anyhow” mood. (As you may tell, I’m not easily discouraged.)
After the test, test, so to speak, especially the verbal reasoning where I got 77% I felt a little better. Not so the numeric reasoning. 30%; not good (and a wonky calculator didn’t help). I did get a second bite at both, on the latter with a calculator that worked (and yes, calculators were permitted). Verbal reasoning this time was 81% and Numeric Reasoning 51%. An improvement. But I couldn’t find anything on the checking test. What the hell did that involve?
By Wednesday I knew the office would be empty so I got on with the tests, feeling a lot better than I had but still dreading it.
Yes, I know I’m dumb but being forced to prove it to people…well, it’s a bit much, isn’t it.
With the test over I started working on the interview which was down as being a Competency Based Interview. I studied the questions involved, linked them to life experiences and then tried to drum it into my nut for regurgitation at the appropriate moment…
Some people tell me I lack confidence. Well, here’s the thing, you always seemed to be knocked down when you reach a state of high Confidence! You feel so good and consider nothing can possibly go wrong so when you’re smacked down it’s more painful to deal with! (Fitrambler, Chapter 1, point 3.)
And as if to prove the point…I got someone to fire some of the Competency Based questions at me, feeling Confident about my studying and frozen on the first three, needing to be prompted to give something that vaguely resembled the answer. My confidence destroyed!
QED?
So I went away, thinking I’d work really hard in the evening on the questions, with thoughts of “did I really want the job” and “is it the end of the world if I fail”…etc.
By the next day I felt better but was determined not to travel to the Confidence Zone. (Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, or something like that, however the Twilight Zone tune goes!) The freezing on the questions still niggled but what could I do?
I carried on working through the questions throughout Friday. I didn’t ride the bike. It was a particularly hot day and I was hot enough as it was without riding into work, by then wearing what would have been a sodden mess of clothes.
Anyway, time ticked away and for some reason I couldn’t get the High Noon soundtrack out of my head. A final check at quarter past one, suited up, tie, even proper shoes – now there’s a novelty – all in place; after all it’d be pretty silly to wear the shoes as gloves… (It’s ok, I didn’t laugh at that one at the time, either.)
Come the time, I was summoned to the top floor. I was feeling rather hot after a couple of flights of stairs. Not the weather for suit and tie, really.
Once there, Topman, whom I’ve met before, greeted me and then said: “Ah, take that jacket off!”
I frowned, slightly, a little unsure, after all this wasn’t the interview I’d studied for. Then came: “And the tie!”
Now I was really getting worried. Well, you hear rumours about how people get their jobs and I was a little wary about what I was going to be asked to do to get this one. I’m mean, I like to think I’m broad-minded but…
“That’s better,” he said, “you were beginning to make me feel even hotter than I am. Fair play, we can cut the formalities on a day like today.”
I relaxed again, but only for a short time.
“We’ll have to wait a few minutes because the room’s being used and your assessor is on a conference call with his boss!”
Assessor? Assessor? I did the test Wednesday? What was going on? I hadn’t prepared for an assessment. What type would it be?
Oh hell! Well, “did I really want this job?”
Anyway, as it turned out it was just a matter of semantics. It was an interview in the manner I was expecting. There would be one other in the interview besides Topman, and that was Otherjob.
It was explained to me there would be four competency based questions by Otherjob and then Topman would be asking me a few afterwards.
The first question came, there was only a fraction of a second’s hesitation from me and I launched into my answer. I didn’t exactly go by the script I’d written and studied, the questions seeming to have more depth. However I was pleased the answers I gave not only to that one but second and third were even better, more structured answers than I’d rehearsed. I felt a little less happy with the fourth but there were supplementary questions by Topman, a prompt or two on that fourth question, which seemed to knowing help me with my answer, which was somewhat unexpected.
Then afterwards, Topman asked me about my Microsoft Office skills. I felt when I was honest about not having used PowerPoint for about 5 years and would probably need to refresh myself, that he wanted me to say I was okay with it. I stuck to honesty but told him I was – which is true – working my way through on a “Step By Step Guide to Microsoft Office 2003”. If PowerPoint was important I was sure it wouldn’t take me long to learn it. (No, it wouldn’t honest, I can be quite dogged when I want to be!)
I also mentioned I’d worked with the old version of Visio and had a newer version on my computer, which I’d done family trees and charted processes on. Done some work on WYSIWYG software for both Apple Mac and PC operating systems. That also went down well. (old Fitrambler was in his stride now!)
Once it was all over I felt I’d given an extremely good account of myself to both Topman and Otherjob. But of course, only time will tell…
TELLING TALES 
Do I have to provide towels and buckets for all those who attend or just for Blameworthy?
We’re not selling this night out very well to the others are we?
You stop at the beach you don’t drive into the ocean that would just be stupid. As I am no longer needing to go near the coast it is a moot point.
I don’t remember feeling on top of the world myself on those occasions. Does anyone remember going anywhere with me when they came away feeling reasonably good?
I have to say you always seem to be around when people are not feeling at their best, Gloomladen at Worcester, Fitrambler on several occasions and myself on occassions. So it must be you who influence these things.
That’s assuming you can still turn round having hit the ocean. The bucket would have been useful for baling out the car in the middle of the Atlantic though, had it not been in use for something else.
The theory of drive until you hit the ocean and then turn around is still a good one, doesn’t work if you don’t live on an island through.
I can see where this is going!
She was otherwise engaged in re-decorating the internal of your car.
The friend sitting in the front wasn’t much help with the directions either!
I thought I was going on top. I can spread the map out up there.
I would suggest somewhere not too far away as a trial run. Wanborough and Aldbourne would be nice. If it works out I’ll take you all out in the Death Trap for the next one. The bendy road over the Downs to Wantage should be fun.
Gloomladen would you like to sit in the front seat? Blameworthy can always go in the back with the map. He has fond memories of a friend who also sat in the back seat giving directions.
Don’t know leaving that to you.
Yes
No a Mercury Scenic
Yes yoy can sit in the front seat
No
It may only be a couple of miles away from home, and there won’t be any cider, but I think I’ll take the tent just in case anything should go wrong. You never know.
Where are you planning on taking us?
Will we be safe?
Are we going in the big red bus?
Can I go in the front seat on top?
Are we there yet?
I am up to going to the Arkell’s one there is the chance of getting home from that one.
Beer Festivals aside would anyone like to go out for a drink on Monday evening? I am will to drive so we could get out of Swindon. We could sort plans for going to the Worchester Beer Festival that none of us will attend with or without a over night stay.
Unlike you, I treated the ciders and perries with enormous respect and was very restrained and moderate in my consumption. I only had one half each of Gwatkin’s Foxwhelp and Rathay’s Old Goat Dry Perry. It was just my misfortune that this took place after seven hours of beer drinking, outside by the river, on a very warm and sunny day. The last bus of the evening was running late and, unfortunately, the last train out of Gloucester was on time. Until then the day went like clockwork. I just seem to have mislaid the key at about 7.00pm and forgot to wind it up again. Better luck next year.
The service would need to be a lot better than adequate if you are to stand the slightest chance of getting back. The trains would need to succede one another without interval, possibly having the capacity to leave the rails entirely (as you will have done on the Gwatkins) to come and get you.
There seems to be nothing much happening on the blog at the moment so here’s a bit of beer related news for the interval. I’ve been out to the Radnor Arms at Coleshill near Highworth today where the Old Forge micro brewery is almost complete and brewing of four beers should start next week. At present they are supplied by the Halfpenny Brewery based at the Crown in Lechlade. The 2nd Beer Festival will be held at the Crown on 28th August and I shall probably get the bus down there to see what’s on offer. There will be another beer festival at Arkell’s Brewery on 11th September with a range of beers from the family brewers of Britain. We don’t even need any transport to get there, and it’s a fine local event.
Hereford was one of the best festivals I’ve ever been to and I rate it up there with Worcester and Cotswold for best location. I plan to make the trip to Worcester on 14th August. It will probably mean an early train out of town again but the service back on Saturday night is adequate and an overnight stay should not be required unless I should catch a whiff of Gwatkin’s Foxwhelp cider on the breeze again. Apologies to Mrs. Gowithit. Bus times! What bus times???
You’re not very good at selling yourself Gloomladen. Just as well you don’t have an interview. Crapulent is a good descriptive word as well. Don’t forget Worcester on 14th August!
It bloody well was more than five miles, Blameworthty.
As to how I would describe myself, I should have to use the words ‘corpulent’ and ‘failure’ but not necessarily in that oder.
I enjoyed watching you both suffer. Sadly, it was no more than 5 miles.
Not a very English expression for one so joyless and shrivelled. You’ll be taking your jacket off next.
So why did you hike me and Gloomladen 10 miles over rough fields to go to a pub?
I cannot argue with the age, but the rest is bollocks. I do not consider myself to be a fit rambler. I would prefer the pub to be at the start of the walk, so that it would no longer qualify as a walk, unless someone else was doing it.
You can do better then that. How about:
A fit man of 50+ with wide and varied interest in beer and churches, that enjoy walks in the country as long there is a pub at the end of it.
He is laden with gloom.
I am worthy of blame.
I see that Fitrambler has put a bit about himself. How would you describe yourself Blameworthy and Gloomladen?
To me, all the non Swindon pictures are of Abroad. I’d prefer them to be of a broad, but you can’t have everything.
I thought it might be the back of the Great Orme. I remember climbing up it from the town many years ago, after a particularly heavy lunchtime session, and in my usual cavalier fashion trying to do it at a gallop without pausing for breath. I was eventually forced to stop due to the density of sheep building up in front of me, and because I became convinced that my heart was about to implode. I don’t recall ever having been all the way round the Great Orme though; it’s an impressive view.
The latest photo is looking back on the walk I did round the Great Orme in 2008. It was ten minutes More of walking before I made it to a nice Cafe looking out to see, where, for the small sum of £1.50, I purchased a pot of my beloved Earl Grey tea. I got three cups out of it – what they were doing in the pot I shall never know, hm, ok, sorry. But I spent a good twent minutes looking out to see wondering why I never went on the walk round the Great Orme with your good self all those years ago.
I think in celebration of doing the walk I treated myself to a Mint Magnum (any excuse) before returning to the B&B, to sit outside making notes for stories and a diary of the holiday. Only to be disturbed by some elderly chap, bit a boozehound (I know takes one to etc) who asked me if I was a writer because with the beard and seagull coloured cap I looked a bit like Hemingway.
I would consider that a compliment but Young Mr Gloomladen would treat it as insult. There are some Mr Fitramble In North Wales Blogs coming up – scary I know – sometime in the future where this character will be fleshed out.
oh, the previousl picture was the Queens Park and the one before, if I remember correctly was Lydiard Park.
Regards,
Fitrambler.
I’ve been puzzling over the header photographs you have used recently Fitrambler. The one of water with the ducks could have been anywhere. I was guessing the back of Coate Water or the lagoon near Moulden Hill, but I said nothing for fear of losing my 100% record by getting it wrong. The last one was definitely Queen’s Park and I’m fairly sure the current one is one of your holiday snaps from North Wales. At first I thought it was the North Coast walk back from Rhyl, possibly looking down over Colwyn Bay or on Llandudno from the other side of the Little Orme, but I couldn’t match the high cliff scenery with an exact point along the walk. Then I thought it might be the other side of the Great Orme looking towards the West Bay, Conwy estuary and Snowdon, but that didn’t look right either. Can you put me out of my misery and let me know where the shot was taken?
I was hoping we could do both Gowithit. Strangely enough, I had a semi-religious experience in Gloucester recently, but that was shortly before visiting the cathedral. It may not have been eternal happiness but at least I was three quarters of the way there. The religious guy spoke of the coming of the Lord so I can only assume he was more fortunate than I and hadn’t been to a beer festival the day before. There’s a very impressive cathedral in Worcester and I shall be seeking deliverance there next month, whilst still clutching my souvenir glass.
Never to have been born: another ambition thwarted.
I know that the comment was not for me, but have you now found religion, does this mean we will no longer have drunken session but be visiting the Cathedrals of the country instead.
This is one for Gloomladen more than anyone else. Whilst out walking this morning I was approached by two cheerful, smiling Mormons as I was passing Whitworth Road cemetery. They asked if I was having a good day and informed me that they were ‘out and about talking to people about eternal happiness’. Resisting the temptation to suggest that any happiness at all would be nice, let alone the over-optimistic dream of the eternal variety, I brushed them aside with a contemptuous sneer, as you would expect. With hindsight I wish I had suggested they attend a session of senseless shouting at the Glue Pot with the two of us. I could even have handed them a couple of tickets for the Worcester Beeer Festival. But more of that later…
Sounds like this particular Englishman would be better off dead, or – being too cowardly to face death – would prefer not to have been born.
Being English means wearing jacket, shirt and tie, having the top button of the shirt done up at all times, refusing to take your jacket off when asked because your comfort is less important than maintaining propriety, never inviting others to doff their jackets because that makes you seem weak and liberal and lets them off the hook of responsibility for their own slovenliness. An Englishman should be a joyless, shrivelled thing who prefers rain to sun but likes neither.
Yes of course. The clips are designed to keep the loose flesh from catching in the chain. A large pair of fishnet stockings would do the job just as well though and would have improved his chances of success no end during the interview. High heels are optional.
So being English means one must wear a Jacket and Tie at interview, is a shirt and trousers optional. If Fitrambler had opted to ride his bike that morning should he had also has kept his bicycle clips on with or without trousers.
So having made the mistake of suggesting Fitrambler should remove his jacket the interviewer then compounded the error by trying to save his bacon. Surely that was destined to go the way of the large packs of Doritos and the Mint Magnum. If you consider the removal of jacket and tie to be decadent Gloomladen, thank heavens it didn’t go any further.
It isn’t jealousy, Mrs Gowithit. I just didn’t like all that stuff about Fitrambler taking his jacket off in an interview situation. It was a lapse on his part. It was an even bigger lapse on the part of the chap who decadently invited him to take it off, which might well save Mr F’s bacon. This is England, not Singapore; no one is going to faint just because they have a ruddy jacket on.
It sound as if Balmeworthy and Gloomladen are just jealous.
It sounds as though it all went very well, but let’s not be hasty.
It sounds as though it all went very well; you should be ashamed of yourself.
It’s sounds that it all went very well you should be proud of yourself.
I could always lend you Max – he’s very good at mornings and has been conditioning me to wake up at about 5.15 every morning. Not that I specifically asked for that conditioning, but being a thoughtful little chap he just assumed it might have been useful to me at some stage in my life. That time might be soon as I too have applied for another job – interview today, competency based questions, which after the interview I could think of much better answers but hey ho! Should I be lucky enough to get the job then every other week I would need to be in work for 6.15 so perhaps Max knows more than I do?